Why I Write
I felt like I had gotten it all out of me when I wrote the first fifteen essays. I let go of All. The. Things.
When I first started writing Sunday Morning Coffee, the ideas and the words poured out of me. I wrote the very first fifteen essays for SMC in just two months. My queue was overflowing with essays waiting to be published. Plus, I had several more essays sitting in my drafts folder that I debated publishing. I’m still not sure if I’ll ever publish them. They’re really personal.
I told myself a break from writing made sense given how far ahead I was. I used my spare time to organize my pantry, frame this year’s sports and school pictures that have been sitting around for months, and do some meal planning.
Three weeks later and I still hadn’t written a single word.
I felt like I had gotten it all out of me when I wrote the first fifteen essays. I let go of All. The. Things. Everything that had been welling up inside of me was now out on paper. The urgency was gone.
For the first time since I could remember, I felt empty but in a good way. My head felt clear and the tension was gone from my body. This is how I knew I chose the right creative outlet for me.
How do I write and just be without trying to release a nagging thought, understand my emotions, or replay a life event that happened? This stayed quietly in my mind for a while before I sat down to write again.
I couldn’t come up with any answer other than to be an observer. I was excited to accomplish so much in my writing during such a short period of time. I felt relaxed in my own body. My racing thoughts were gone. I noticed little moments of happiness I’d otherwise let pass right by me. And I wasn’t looking for the next thing that would go wrong.
I put it on paper and I let it go. I wasn’t holding on anymore. I felt settled.
With a clear head, I went about my life not expecting or wanting anything during those several weeks. I didn’t make any new goals or think about what would come next. And it felt wonderful.
Soon enough I went back to writing. Not writing to release or with any urgency. I wrote because I truly enjoy the experience and feel called to do it.
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Anna
